I bet he comes in French.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
