i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
