and she was petting her beer can
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
