So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
