every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
