i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
