I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
