he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
