I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
