It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
