I should be sponsored by Trojan
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
