man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
