theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
