oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
