If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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