Already got asked if we're dating
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
