I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My penis needs a shock collar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
