Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
