that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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