he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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