She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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