Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
