my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think I am morally bankrupt
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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