I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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