Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
