just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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