I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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