THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
