It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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