So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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