If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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