my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is wine microwaveable?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
