I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
