he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
