My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
