I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
