Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
