i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
