I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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