I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
