if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
