Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
