my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
