I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
