I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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