i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
