You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
