So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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