TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
