mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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