Do you still have your period?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
