btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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