All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
